


Here Comes Goodbye

by midnightslullaby



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Cross-Posted on Wattpad, Fanfiction, Love Story, M/M, Stony - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-01
Updated: 2015-10-01
Packaged: 2018-04-24 08:23:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 5,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4912267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnightslullaby/pseuds/midnightslullaby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve hated Tony, at least that's what Steve always thought. He always thought Tony was too pompous, arrogant, self centered, and that he was too much of a playboy. </p><p>He KNEW he hated Tony, that was until he was left to make a biggest and hardest decision he's ever made.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Panic

 

20 feet...

15 feet...

11 feet...

8 feet...

3 feet...

6 inches...almost there.

It was all he could do.

His fellow Avengers were standing there, safely on the ground. Their heads turned to the sky, watching. Simply watching as he plummeted to his inevitable death.

Free falling.

He let out a scream as loud as his lungs would allow, but no one seemed to care...or even hear for that matter.

Closer and closer. The ground's closing in on him ever second. Cold concrete was about to meet warm flesh.

"AHH!"

Heart racing as cold sweat poured down his face and body as he sat straight up in his bed. It was that dream. The same dream he'd been having for the past four months.

They'd never let him live it down if they saw him like this: an emotion wreck of a man the common people call their hero. They were used to him being strong, protecting, and calm. 

In front of the other Avengers, now his friends, and on the front line of battle, he was the strength, the heart, one of the brave. He was the Super Soldier. He was Captain America, but now all he was was broken, scared, and lonely.


	2. Can't Escape This Hell

It was so easy for him to act like nothing was wrong when he was in front of the others because no one knew. 

No one knew the pain and anguish he faced everyday. 

He had to do what was right. Not that he knew what the right decision was, but he had to. Easy to say, hard to do. 

Everyday it was the same routine. Wake up from the nightmare, clean up for the day, work out, come home, eat a few bites, shower, go to sleep, repeat.

The only problem is that it didn't feel the same anymore..not since three months ago...when the nightmares started. 

This morning he went into the kitchen where the rest of his fellow Avengers sat, getting ready for the meeting Nick was about to conduct. 

Nobody seemed to noticed Steve's eyes were red and swollen. Nobody seemed to notice he had bags under them and that he seemed to be losing weight due to lack of nutrients. 

At least he thought no one noticed until Natasha sat beside him.

"You okay, Cap?" she whispered

"What do you mean?" acting clueless 

"Steve, don't play dumb with me. I can tell something just isn't right with you."

"Natasha, I don't know what you're talking about. I couldn't be better," Steve replies plastering an obvious fake smile on his face.

All Natasha could do was roll her eyes. "Whatever you say." She knew he wouldn't open up to her. She knew it was a losing battle. 

I'm not fine. I can't do this any more. Why'd this have to happen? I'm losing my mind. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I'm not even really living. I'm more like a zombie. I can't bring myself to make this choice. Why me? Why couldn't he have told and chosen anyone but me?

Once he came out of his train of thought, he looked around. Everyone was gone. There was nothing but silence. Meeting must be over. As usual he falls back in his routine and goes upstairs, crawls into bed and cries himself to sleep. All the while repeating in his head: why me?


	3. Eyes Wide Open

You say you don't want me

You say you don't care

You say that your heart

Ain't got no room for me there

You say you don't need me

But I know that it's just a lie

'Cause when you call me in the night

Tellin' me your life is better off without me

The rest he sort of just drowned out.

"That was Givin Yourself Away by Ratt," boomed the radio man's voice through the speakers.

So badly Steve wanted to change the station. So badly he wanted to turn the radio off the second he heard the song intro. Instead he sat and listened. After the first four lines he prayed like hell to have the strength to reach his hand out and turn the radio dial. However; something deep within stopped him. Something made him sit and listen, listen to the song, take in the lyrics. 

He loved it. It was one of the few songs he'd really grown fond of since being in this decade. Yet he hated it, even going so far as to say he detested it. Just because of the pain and agony that it invoked and the tears that it made him release. It made him realize that he can't live another day without. 

As much as he lied to himself, saying it's going to be easy. All I have to say is "no more" and that's it. After hearing this song, he knew that that would be far from the truth.


	4. Bring On The Rain

The smell of fresh pancakes and bacon sifted through the air. Thor, Natasha, Bruce, Clint, Tony, and of course himself are sitting around the breakfast table. All talking and enjoying each others company. He knew they were talking, he could see they were talking, but he couldn't hear them. No sound, just lips moving, mute.

He shook the strange notion off and continued to eat his breakfast. He tries to make a sound, nothing. Either no one heard or it didn't come out. Figuring everyone was just excited about the impending mission, he excused himself and went to one of his favorite places: the gym.

1..2

1..2

1..2

Punch after punch on the bag, venting out all his pent up feelings. Breakfast was really odd. How come no one talked? Why couldn't they hear me? 

Looking down at his watch, he realized just how late he stayed. He gathered his gym bag and left back for the house, wanting to get some much needed rest. In his room, he gathered what he needs so he can get ready in the morning.

8:00 am and they're up and dressed for action. All in their appropriate attire.

BANG! 

Shot down in mid air. No warning or shout out from the team to save him.

With a loud thud, the ever invincible Iron Man has fallen, in defeat, to the ground. He was bleeding bad, his armor badly broken, and his arc reactor fading. 

"SOMEONE CALL 911!"

Fifteen painstakingly slow minutes passed until they all heard the piercing wail of not one, but four ambulances. As the EMTs load Tony into the vehicle, they look around to find no one else severely injured. All they find is the basic cuts, scrapes, and bruises. 

Somehow, by miracle, no one else on the force got hurt...at least not physically.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone confused, this is not happenong in the present. This is a flashback on how Tony became injured and in the hospital.


	5. The Reason Is You

It had been four months since that horrible mission. Four long, grueling months of Tony laying on a hospital bed on a ventilator and two weeks since Fury gave him his own secret mission. It ate him alive to know that he was the one left to make this choice.

Tony didn't have any living family left, or if he did, none of them ever visited or talked with him, nor did he ever talk about them. So the decision ended up falling down to the next closest. Pepper couldn't bring herself to make the call so she bequeathed it onto Fury, who in turn pushed it onto Steve. 

He figured it out by elimination how Nick picked him. Steve knew he didn't pick Thor because he's the son of Odin, he's a god and viewed Tony, along with the rest of them, as a puny, weak humans. After a while Thor changed his opinion on most of his teammates, except for Tony. On top of that, he and Tony started off on the wrong foot and Tony never really got over it, nor did he let Thor forget it. Go figure! 

He didn't choose Bruce because he knew Bruce. Bruce was a man full of anger because of what he thought he really was (although everyone know it was nothing but a lie) and would base his decision on angry deduction rather than on a rash, level head. 

Steve knew he didn't pick Natasha because, even though she was trained to be a Russian assassin, with no feelings for anything, he knew their past together. He knew the feelings she has or had for him may still be there. He concluded that her feelings would cloud her, otherwise, excellent judgement.

As for Clint, well, he was Clint. No need for explanation on that one. 

That left Steve. Level headed, smart, quick-witted, and knew Tony to a point. Nick new they weren't the best of friends. He knew they started off as a team a little bit rocky, but could see they worked past it and held no anonymity towards each other. He knew Steve would base his decision on reasoning rather than feeling.

It was a decision Steve wishes Fury hadn't made. He just hoped he wouldn't live to regret it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On stating why he didn't choose Natasha, going by the comics, Natasha and Tony were actually an item at some point within them. Also, on Clint, I love Clint and think he needs more credit than he gets, but I used that as more "comedic" effect.


	6. Beautiful Distaster

Another two months have passed. A total of six months it's been since Tony was first admitted. 

The doctors say he's not getting any better. They say he's getting worse, but I'm not sure that's even a possibility. The doctors watch and document his vitals once every few hours, just to see if he's making any progress in his healing.

It's been six damn months and he hasn't gotten any better! How can they think he'll get better now! God dammit! Why do I have to be so pessimistic right now. 

He, Natasha, and Bruce were the three visiting today. Bruce had excused himself from the room before the other guy decided to show up univited. Bruce is generally good at controlling himself, but seeing his friend this way made him want to lose his mind. 

As for Natasha, no matter how much training or Russian brain-washing she had happen to her to wipe her void of memories and emotions, none of it worked. She was sitting in the chair in his hospital room, broken down, tears streaming down her fair completed, now flushed, face.

Once Bruce composed himself to where he knew he'd be okay, he went back to room 229. In that room, those three sat there with Tony for two and a half hours until the doctor came in.

"Good day, Ms. Romanoff and Mr. Banner. Mr. Rogers, I'm sorry to rush you, but we really need your answer. We've given you more than enough time to think this over."

"Can't I have just ONE more hour...?"

"Mr. Rogers, we've already discussed the amount of time needed."

"Please! Just one hour longer."

"Fine! One hour and that's it!" And with that the doctor turned on his heels and walked out to check on another patient.


	7. If Tomorrow Never Comes

Steve always considered himself a Christian man. Believing the word of the Lord and following his word. He always believed that what was sin was sin. Things like stealing, killing, adultery, engaging in premarital sexual acts, he believed were sin in the eyes of God. As he believed homosexuality was a sin. Now, Steve never condemned or judged those who lived that life style, nor did he care if they did. He just didn't believe it to be his life. 

That was until now, as he was looking at Tony's face. He took in Tony's features, his face, his scruffy facial hair, and the messy black hair that sort of hung in his face.

Steve hated the thought of finding a man attractive. That thought even sort of, he hated to say, repulsed him, but the more he looked Tony over, the more he found himself lost in the memories that he aquired because of Tony.

He remembered the first time he met Tony. It wasn't a great impression Stark left of himself.

He remembered he was standing talking with Bruce, Natasha, Thor, and Tony when he and Stark started to argue.

"Big man in a suit of armour. Take that away and then what are you?" 

"A genuius, billionare, playboy, philanthropist." 

God did Steve hate that answer. Of course Tony was right but he hated it. For reasons he couldn't explain. Was it jealousy; jealousy that Tony could pick and choose anyone he wanted to bed and it wasn't him? Was it jealousy that he may be smarter than Steve? No! He shook the thoughts, especially the first, out of his head.

"What about you? A government experiment in a spandex suit. You take that away and what do you have? A man with no powers, who's useless to us!"

He didn't think about it, at the time he just smirked and laughed it off, but thinking back on it now, he realized just how much Tony's words actually hurt him. Why? He wasn't quite sure yet. Not until now. When he really thought about it, he realized. It was because he called him useless. 

Now back when Steve was that small, frail boy back in the 40s, he was used to being called useless. It never really hurt him to hear it anymore. However; with Tony, it was different.  He cared what Tony thought about him. Even going so far as to say he craved Tony's approval.

He couldn't say all things about Tony were bad. He remembered that for the first time since entering this decade that Tony was the first to get him to smile and feel, somewhat, excepted. He was also the first, and only, to make him forget about his lost love, Peggy.

The more he reminisced, the more he grew confused. Did he feel something more for Tony than just subtle hatred and friendship? 

As he sat and looked over Tony, really taking it in, the more it made his heart jump, to think maybe he felt more than comaraderie. 

It excited him, it made him feel human, it made him feel, almost, like he did when he was with Peggy way back when, but most importantly,  it terrified him.


	8. Empty Dreams; Broken Promises

What was their last hour together seemed like mere minutes. All they did was sit their talking to Tony. Hoping any one single word would help him recover. 

An eye twich, a half smile, a shaking finger, anything. Any small sign to indicate to keep him alive. Sadly, what happened, was nothing.

You know how it goes, right? Even in hard times and madness you still hold on to something, just so you can say you believe. This was no different, they wanted to believe it would all go back to normal. As the doctor stepped in, everyone but Steve stepped out. 

"Mr. Rogers, it's been an hour, have you made your decision?"

"I..I..I don't know.."

It was then the doctor showed an emotion he hadn't shown to them before; empathy. 

"Look Mr. Rogers.."

"Call me Steve" 

"Look, Steve, I know what this is like. To have to make the decision if someone lives or dies. It tears you apart from the inside out. It breaks your very being. To have to sit in a depressing room just staring, watching, and waiting for a sign. A sign to help you figure out whether to let them hang on longer or end their suffering. It's emotional, it's draining. Here's the thing though, you have to do what's best for the patient. You have to do what you believe they'd want. You also have to think about if it's fair to them. It's hard I know.

How would you know what it feels like? 

"I know what you're probably thinking, Steve. How would I know. I'll tell you, I was 12, my mother was dying of pneumonia, living on a repirator. I had to make the choice of whether to pull the plug or wait. After putting it off and putting it off, I finally had to make the choice best for my mother."

Sighing, Steve hung his head, he knew the doctor was right. He had to make the decision best for Tony, no matter how much he wanted to keep him around.

"I'll give you a few more minutes."

How could this happen? I'm sorry Tony. I let you down. I promised you, I promised the team, that no one would get hurt. I let everyone down. I let myself down. I guess this is a good rule: don't make promises you can't keep.

He took one last look at Tony, letting all the memories flood in. Fighting Loki, talking about Agent Coulson after he was murdered by Loki, trying to cheer Tony up afterwards, all their annoying, immature spats. All of it. As selfish as he knew it was, he couldn't let Tony go.

"Have you gotten it figured out, what you'd like to do."

"I have and I..."

He wasn't able to finish his sentence, he was cut off by the continuous beep of the heart monitor. Tony was flat-lining. He had, finally, passed.

Steve couldn't talk he couldn't do anything. All he could do was let the tears, finally, escape his sullen eyes.

"I'm very sorry, Steve. I'll go inform the others," and the doctor left the room.

He walked over to Tony and saw the peaceful look on his face. He finally knew just what it was he felt. Love. It was love, and not the friendship kind. It was the more than friendship kind. 

As he stood by Tony's side, he whispers the only thing he could think of. 

"I wish I knew my feelings sooner, not that you'd feel the same, but maybe then I could have at least told you. I'm sorry I broke my promise, but just know I never wanted to let you go."

With that, he did the only think he could think to do, he leaned to down to the beautiful face he knew as Tony, and placed a soft, gentle, kiss on Tony's angelic lips. 

As Steve exited to find the others, he whispered, "I guess this is goodbye, Tony. I love you."


	9. Second Chances

"Mr. Rogers! Mr. Rogers!" The doctor kept saying his name, trying to wake Steve from his deep slumber.

Jolted, Steve finally woke up. The doctor could tell he was shaking. Must have been some dream, or nightmare, to reduce Steve to tears and cold sweats.

"I've come to let you know that while you we're asleep, Tony showed great signs of improvement. First, he started tapping his fingers on the bed. Then he started mumbling, incoherent of course, but progress. Finally, not too long ago, he opened his eyes. I should tell you, as he was mumbling, he mentioned your name. It was the only thing I understood."

"Wait, what! Tony's okay? He's not dead?"

"No. No, he's doing very well. I expect a full recovery within the next week or two."

"This is great! Have Natasha, Bruce and the others been told?"

"Who? Nobody was here but you. No one that's in the waiting room has connections to Tony. It's only you that's here with him. I'll leave you alone to take it in and talk to him for a while. Let you see the process for yourself." With that, the doctor left the room.

Wait, so if Tony's awake, that means, it was all just a dream. The death, the kiss, the reliving memories, it was all a dream. 

Steve was confused, not because of the dream versus reality, he already knew it it had been a dream. He was confused because he didn't know if the feelings in the dream were true feelings or imaginary.

He worked over those thoughts over and over. He knew the answer even before he thought on it. He knew he loved Tony, as more than a friend. He knew he wanted Tony. He didn't want him as in sex, he wanted Tony as in a relationship. He wanted all of him. Granted he'd never admit it to anyone, especially Tony.

"H..hey...Capsicle." 

Capsicle, that was the nickname Tony gave him a little while after they had first started together. Even though he had nicknames for everyone else, it still made him feel special that he'd even give him one.

"How you been, Stark?"

"Unconscious, duh."

Of course, first thing he has to do when he wakes up is be a smart-ass. Oh well, at least I know there's nothing wrong with him.

"Look, Capsicle, just so you know, I heard what you said."

"What do you mean 'what I said'?"

"Hehe. Uh, you were sort of mumbling in your sleep about me. You, uh, said that you love me...as more than a team mate/friend.."

It wasn't like Tony to trip and stumble on his words, but Steve could understand why. It must be pretty weird for him to have heard him say he loved Tony as more than a friend. Although at that moment, he wasn't worried about what Tony was thinking. He was more worried about hiding the seven different shades of red creeping up his face.

Even though he shouldn't have, he looked up to gage Tony's reaction. He could tell with just the curt glance, Tony was blushing too.


	10. Spoken Truth

He had ran, ran as fast as his strong legs could carry him. Never again would he be able to face Tony. At least not without being awkward and embarrassed.

How could I have slipped up? Great! Just fucking great! He probably thinks I'm some sick, twisted, pervert. I can't face him. I'm not sure if I can even be part of the team. It'll be so uncomfortable. I can only imagine what he's gonna say: "Gee Capsicle, didn't think you'd turn out to be some sort of queer. Should have known by the overly tight spandex you wear though! God you're some kind of sick, Rogers!"

Steve was so deep in thought he didn't hear that anyone came in. "Look, I'm sorry, but this isn't a good time. Whoever you are could you please leave."

"Even me, Cap?"

Shit! It's Tony! He must have been discharged. How long ago did they let him go home?

Instead of self pity, he now was consumed by anger. He wasn't sure if it was anger for himself or for Tony. Although, he knew it shouldn't be for Tony, but at himself for even staying at the hospital.

"ESPECIALLY you Stark! I don't need to hear your smart-ass comments about what I said. I'm sorry I said it and I'll try not to let this affect the teams work. But please just LEAVE ME ALONE for a while!"

Whatever anger Steve held inside him melted away when Tony climbed on to the bed, crawled to the edge, and wrapped his arms around Steve. With Steve's back to his chest, he rested his head on his shoulder. He didn't fight it, he knew it was a hopeless battle, Stark was so annoying and he didn't want to deal with that.

"Look Cap, I'm not gonna sit here and say 'I love you, too.' I mean come on you should know me by now. I'm with a different woman almost every night. I lock myself up in my lab with zero human contact for days, weeks sometimes. I mean, I think the whole team nows by now that I have an incapacity to know what love even is."

Of course. I don't know why I even thought for a second that there would been a chance. He's Tony freaking Stark, he can have any women he wanted, why would he want a man? 

Steve's thoughts were interrupted by Tony continuing to talk.

"I know we didn't get off on the right foot. We argued a lot, we hated each other. Hell, maybe we still do. Like I said Cap, I'm not gonna say 'I love you," but I will DO this.

With that Tony unwound his arms, backed up and turned Steve around. Once he was face to face with the blond superhero, he put his hand on the back of his neck and pulled him to his lips. Most of the time when he kissed someone, women mostly, it was abrupt, rough, and meaningless. This was different, this kiss was soft, sweet, passionate and full of meaning. It was something new for Tony, but he liked it. 

Hmm, maybe I could get used to the idea of being with Steve.

As their lips finally disconnected Tony spoke, "I may not be saying those three words you said to me, but I will say this, I can definitely get used to the idea of being more than friends."


	11. Never Gonna Be Alone

Tony had locked himself in his lab for the last two weeks. It had been almost a year since he'd been released from the hospital. He and Steve have been doing fairly well together. They still fought, not as much, but they still weren't super keen on each other, but they we're both willing to try and make it work. Much like he had told, and somewhat promised, Steve they were in fact together. What people call 'an item.'

Considering they were grown men, considering the we're Captain America and Iron Man, they weren't the most romantic couple you could find. At this time they weren't even public. They had decided against it due to all the media out there. At this moment neither him nor Tony we're ready for that kind of media coverage.

When they were in private, things were different. Steve tried everything he could to get Tony to open up and tell him how he felt, but nothing seemed to work. He'd constantly let Tony know how much he loved him and that he'd always be there. Tony knew that, he loved how Steve was so committed, but Tony could never gather the courage to tell him back. He was scared. Scared Steve would leave and scared that he'd hurt the man he's too scared to open up to.

Steve was beginning to get worried. Two weeks locked in his lab! Granted he's locked himself in his lab before but usually for just a week. He didn't know what to do. Tony wasn't going to tell him if anything was going on. He knew he wasn't building a new suit. If he had been, Steve would have heard noises when he walked by, or should it be said, paced the floor. 

"J.A.R.V.I.S.?"

"Yes, Mr. Rogers."

"Is Tony doing okay? What's he doing in there anyway?"

"Mr. Rogers, I am quite sorry, but Mr. Stark has given me direct orders to not disclose what he is doing in his private quarters to anyone. He says it is a private matter."

"I'm just concerned J.A.R.V.I.S. He's never locked himself in his studies for this long. It's scaring me. I'm worried he's planning on something stupid, if you get what I mean. Please, can you let me in to talk with him?"

"That is strongly against my orders, Mr. Rogers."

"Please..."

"Very well, Mr. Rogers."

With that, Steve was let into Tony's studies, his lab. What he expected to see wasn't what he actually saw. He expected, wanted to see Tony working on one of his new inventions, a new suit, anything. Instead, he saw Tony, exhausted and angry. He noticed an empty glass of, what he assumed to be alcohol in his left hand and a hand gun in the right. Steve knew what the gun was for. Now he knew why J.A.R.V.I.S. didn't fight him on letting him in. He wanted Steve to find him and help him. 

When Tony saw Steve, he dropped the empty glass but still held the gun up to his head. Within seconds Steve was in front on him, taking the gun out of his hand without a struggle, holding his, now empty hand, against the wall. All Tony could do was break down and cry. Steve let go of his hand and Tony fell in to him, and Steve just held him there, rubbing his back until his crying went from hysterical sobs to light tears and whimpers. 

"I know why you wanted to or tried to. I remember from when you told me before, cause you thought you were alone. You still think you're alone. What did I tell you then? That you're not alone, and I'm going to say it agian and every time after now. You are not alone! I'm here and I'm always going to be. No matter what I'm going to be here through it with you," and he took that moment to pause his sentence and rest his forehead against Tony's, and look into his brown eyes "because Anthony Edward Stark, I love you with everything I have. I will be here."

For the first time since they had begun,Tony said the one thing Steve had been longing to hear, the one thing he never gave up the hope of hearing from Tony.

"I..I love you too, Steve."


	12. Epilogue: Time Goes On

Three years have come and gone. Steve and Tony have gotten better. They no longer argue and degrade each other and since Steve entered Tony's life in a romantic way, he's been a better him. He's still his arrogant, pompous self, but he's no longer the playboy he used to be. There's only one person that he has eyes for, well..make that two. Steve and there new adopted son. A little boy by the name of Peter.

Since the whole big suicide fiasco, Fury decided to step down and retire, Clint and Natasha quietly settled down and are now in hiding from the Russians. Bruce finally found a woman who can handle him at his best and worse, rumor had it she's also a she hulk too. Good thing for him, someone who finally understands. Thor and Sif married and now resign in Asgard. 

The Avengers are no longer a team, but they're not worried, they have the next generation watching over them and the rest of mankind and one day, maybe Peter can be one of Earth's newest and mightiest heroes.

As for Steve and Tony, I guess you could say they both got their happy ever after after all. Funny how some things just work out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm sorry that this chapter was so short and not that great, but I just wanted to finally end it and wrap it up on a happy note.


End file.
